Walking through the "Gates"

My title today has nothing to do with Heaven.

Unless, that is, you enjoy eating BBQ and you've found your perfect American BBQ joint and can consider calling it Heaven.

This adage is true for me each time I go home and visit my parents in Kansas City. I believe that Kansas City is one of the best places in the U.S. to get BBQ.  I say this unabashedly. I really have enjoyed the BBQ I have gotten from holes in the wall in Kansas City more than most places I have been to or lived in.  I've had BBQ all over the South, mostly in Florida and in Georgia.  Once in Memphis and another time in Maryland.

There is a fight amongst large cities in the United States over which has the best barbecue. Of course, most Kansas Citians Carnivores, both native and expat, will tell you that Kansas City has the best BBQ in the United States.  Other cities, such as Memphis, New Orleans, Atlanta, etc. will also say THEY have the best BBQ in the world. While their styles of barbecue may be delicious, as well as their sauces, I've been to so many different places in the world that serve BBQ and the only other place that I've been to that can top KC meats is any place in Argentina.

I will tell why I think Kansas City Style BBQ is better than any you've had elsewhere. In fact, I can tell you several reasons why along with a little history.

1) History

Once upon a time, more specifically, the Time of the Wild Wild West,  in the Land of the Midwest, there was a dot upon the plains called the "City of Kansas". First, it was actually a town, but then it grew into a cute little city. This city was situated at the confluence of the Kansas and Missouri Rivers.

Most "fast" transport before the invention of the railroads was done by wagon teams or by river steamboats.  Kansas City was quite important because of the two main rivers that flowed through.  The Kansas River was important because it would branch out from the western parts of the state of Kansas into the Missouri River.  The Missouri River was also very important because it started in the Rockies and meandered it's way southeast through the Midwest all the way to Saint Louis, the "Gateway to the West", and into the Mighty Mississippi.

Let's go a little backwards here.

You ride your raft or barge with your livestock - chickens, horses, pigs, sheep, cows, etc. up the Mississippi from New Orleans, let's say.  You hit Saint Louis. You want to go out west to Kansas City.  You make a left turn from the Mississippi into the Missouri River, against all currents.  After a few days or weeks, you've finally arrived in Kansas City, Missouri.

What's funny is that Kansas City originated in Missouri, but it's named after the Kansas River in Kansas.  There is also a Kansas City, Kansas. For those not familiar with the area, they think it's all different. For municipal purposes, it is. But in reality, it's all one big city, just in different states. All with the same name.

Ok, back to the Rivers...

Kansas City is important to American History because it was the final stopping point for all trails and roads and some rivers before heading West. With the Oregon, Santa Fe and California Trails setting out from Kansas City, there was a need to transport livestock out West.  Also, with the westward expansion of the railroad, Kansas City was the also one of the final stopping grounds before getting to Santa Fe or Denver, etc.

2) Selection of Meats

Here enters The Kansas City Stockyards and Live Stock Exchange, right off of the railroad, in the West Bottoms.  The West Bottoms is an area of Kansas City located right along the state line and also right off of the confluence of both the Kansas and Missouri Rivers.  It is a low-lying area prone to floods when the rivers overflow.

This was a place where livestock owners and buyers could haggle with each other for a good deal on livestock.  Before hand, farmers who needed livestock or who wanted to sell live stock would have needed to stop the actual train or wait until the next tiny stop to see who would be interested in purchasing their livestock or otherwise buying said livestock for their own farms.

The result before the Stockyards came into existence was pretty crappy. Farmers that were expecting big bucks for that prize hog they spent years fattening up could have gotten them a paltry sum.  The KC Live Stock Exchange prevented farmers from getting gypped.  The Stock Exchange also enabled others to see what kinds of livestock was available to them for better prices for their farms.

The end result was fantastic - farmers were happy and could take their mules, horses and oxen home or otherwise fill their pockets with some nice, loose change.

Other's were able to fill their bellies...

Many restaurants in the area began to experiment with the consumption of the different types of livestock.  There was turkey. There was chicken. There was beef. There was pork. There was lamb.  I am pretty sure there was waterfowl, too.

Anything with four legs or wings or fins that walked and swam the earth has made it to the barbecue pits of Kansas City.

3) Sauce

Kansas City Style BBQ has a distinct flavor of sauce.  It is mostly a molasses-based sauce, but it also takes on the flavor of the meats.

Every single BBQ place I have been to in Kansas City uses wood to smoke their meats.  The end result is something delectable...yum...

Hickory is best.

(Sigh)

My Favorite Restaurant

The last few times I've gone home to Kansas City, I never leave home without stopping at Gates BBQ.

I usually go with my uncle and my dad, but this last time I went home, I didn't go with my uncle as I was going home to say my fond farewell of the celebration of his life.

The day after the funeral, we went with my four Vallazza sisters, Ana Maria, Lourdes, Rossana and my parents and my son and nephew to Gates.

Gates is a Kansas City staple. In its glory days, it had way more locations, but I guess not everyone likes Gates. Other popular Kansas City BBQ places are Fiorella Jack Stack and hands down, Arthur Bryant's, but my favorite place is Gates.

Jake, being a Michigander who had never been inside Kansas City limits, described his first moments walking Through the Gates...

"All senses are enticed in their own way. The sweet smoky smell of the air greets your olfactory senses. The sight of happy faces busily working behind the counter as they bombard your ears with interrogative declarations of "you want beef on bun?!""

Screaming is more like it.

I guess I never noticed because I'm a Kansas City native. I walk in to familiar faces, scents and tastes.

They literally scream at you as you walk into the door, "HI!!!! KIN I H'EP YEW?!!!" If you're not quick to order, they ask, or scream, at you, "YEW WAN BEEF ON BUN? PO'K ON BUN?! CHIKIN ON BUN?! WHATCHU WANT, HONEY?!!!!"

As you order, you pick up a tray, and go down the line as if you were in a cafeteria. Once you get your food, you then go and find a seat.

Once you sit down, your mouth is seriously watering from all the goodness on your plate. I normally order either beef or pork on bun.  It's smoked meat of your kind, with the sauce of your choice and piled high with pickles and the biggest fries of your life.  Jake described the fries as 2x4's. For the record, they're just ordinary thick cut steak fries.

Jake described his experience thus,

"After you get your food and you sit down, your olfactory senses are intensified by the plate of food you carry to your table.  In his case, he had a beef on bun.  Hickory smoked brisket, with Gates Spicy BBQ sauce, pickles, and the thickest steak fries of your life.

After you eat your meal, you need a dolly to get you out of there. You literally fall into a food coma just from all the meat and carbs that you've just consumed.

Thank the Lord my dad was driving. Otherwise I would have fallen asleep at the wheel.

I can't wait to go back home to walk through the Gates.

Paradise of Alligators, Beaches and Bugs vs. Land of Oz.

Kansas experiences hot summers. 

Kansas also has some cold winters. 

An exciting thing is that I don't have to deal with snowy winters anymore as I am now a Floridian Transplant.  I do have to deal with hot, humid summers from about mid-March to mid-October, though.  Winter here in Florida is cold.  That being said, even though Florida is part of North America. We typically have two seasons: hot and cold.  There is no in between. 

You're probably shaking your head and wondering..."What does she mean that it's cold in Florida?"

I shall explain.  

Florida, being humid year round, experiences a few months of chilly to cold weather in the wintertime.  When it is 60 degrees here in Florida, it's cold.  It's a wet kind of cold.  

As a kid growing up in Kansas, anytime the forecasters said, "Well, folks, It's going to be 60 degrees tomorrow" in December or January, that meant you could run around like Superman without a jacket and wear shorts and a tank top.  My dad used that term whenever he noticed I ran around without a jacket or sweater. "You are not Superman!" he would shout at me with his Ecuadorean accent. "You are going to get sick!"  "Sick" always sounded more like "seek". 

Another thing about living in the Land of Four Seasons is that you have to wake up extra early to warm up your car when it's cold.  You have to scrape ice or snow off of your windshield. You run the risk of your boogers freezing while prepping yourself for your daily bump and grind, like if the weather is below 20 degree Fahrenheit.  Do I want to do that all time?  No, thanks.  Although, living in Kansas does have its benefits. 

This summer, I will hopefully be going home for a few weeks to enjoy the summer heat of Kansas.  Kansas summers to me are incredibly hot, but at least they won't be as humid as they are here in Florida.  It seems to only get humid before it's going to rain in Kansas.  One thing I really like is when you first walk outside in the summer. It's like a blast of nice, hot air in your face.  I like getting nice and tan. :D

If I were to move back now, after having a ten year absence with exception of family vacations, I might have a better tolerance for the nasty weather. In Kansas, you can experience the four seasons in merely one day.   Once, I wore shorts in the morning as it was 80 degrees outside.  By nightfall, it was snowing.  I don't know many places in the world that can do that in one day. 

All of this nostalgia for my home state reminds me of the last winter I spent at home before moving out to Florida ten years ago.  I lived for 21 years in the Land of Oz 

before moving out to the Paradise of Alligators, Beaches and Bugs. 

I worked at a place called the "Nazarene Publishing House" back in 2003-04.  As the name implies, it was a place where books were published. I didn't spend my time working with books, though. I worked in their cafeteria.  The former manager is one of my mom's best friends, Nancy. She is an amazing cook. :D This place was located on Troost Avenue in Kansas City, Missouri, in a pretty crappy area of town.  When it was first founded in 1912, the area in which the NPH is located was a nice place. Not so much now.  Even the Hostess head bakery was located next door. I could actually touch the Twinkie Building!  Now, there's nothing but resident hookers and crackheads on every corner. But apparently, there are plans to revitalize the area.  Good luck with that, City Commissioners!

Run away!!!

One day, in February '04, I was hard at work in the kitchen, cleaning and cooking. A blizzard was forecast for the day. I didn't think anything of it, as I was used to snowstorms. I wasn't expecting it to come until late afternoon.  My car at the time was a 1994 Mitsubishi Mirage, 5 Speed, Periwinkle Blue, with "Hello, Kitty!" car seat covers. 

Mine had Black Spray paint on the hubcaps. Thanks, Dad!

 The Ren-Mobile, a great little car for driving in the snow. It would only take me about 30 minutes to drive to work or home.  Work was 8 miles from my house. No biggie, right?

Well, this particular day the president of our company sent us home early because the forecasters kept saying "It's a doozy out there folks!" It turns out that February was one of the snowiest on record, which has been surpassed by now, I believe. 

Everyone else in the House was able to leave right then and there, but we kitchen workers still had food to pack up, dishes to wash, tables to clean, food to restock, etc. 

When I got out to the parking lot and my car, five inches of snow had since fallen since that morning. I started my car to warm it up. Grabbing my ice scraper from the back seat, I began to brush snow off my car since it's against the law in Missouri and Kansas to have snow all over your car while driving.  Snow has the potential to fly off your roof and hit someone's windshield, thus causing a visual barrier. It's some sort of liability issue. It's ridiculous.

Twenty minutes later, I'm still brushing snow off of my car. Meanwhile, the snow is falling fast and accumulating quickly. I hop in the car, put my car in reverse and all I can hear is my tires spinning. So... I get out AGAIN!  I figured if my tires were spinning, what I needed to do was scoop snow from underneath my car in order to back out of my car space. I'm laying there on my stomach, scooping snow from underneath my wheels, on the corner of 29th and Troost Avenue in Kansas City, Missouri, which, mind you, is a VERY BAD area of town. Anyone from KC on both sides of the state line know not to go in that area after 5 pm. All I'm doing is shoveling snow from underneath my car and my tires. I am laying there on my stomach and thinking, "I could get shot at or mugged and have my car stolen".

After spending 10 minutes backing my car out, success! Kansas City lies on some pretty large hills and river bluffs. Everyone hears that Kansas is flat. Well, not eastern Kansas. 

 Trying to drive either up or down these bluffs and hills with snow and ice on the road is just a tad difficult. I decided I was going to take the "Long Way" home, which is more or less flat, but takes me about ten to fifteen minutes more time.  It's more or less the same distance, but there's more stop and go traffic.  The publishing house is only 8 miles from my parents house, if you take the Interstate and go the way of the hilly side roads, but it takes awhile to get to and from going the backroads because of stop and go traffic. 

Route A in Grey; Route B "The Long Way" in Blue

I'm driving south on Troost Ave., all the while praying to God that I don't get stopped by somebody demanding my car or worse, pointing a gun at me. I'm the only one on the road, except for the homeless people and neighborhood crack heads sitting on the benches, waiting for buses. 

Driving in the snow takes great care. I'm not sure what your expertise is driving in the snow, but my motto is "Safety First".  I don't care if you are an expert at driving in the snow. I will be a slow driver until I feel I can drive safely at a fast speed. Any of you can drive as fast as you want and flip me the bird...I still don't care. Safety First.

As I am heading south on Troost towards 43rd Street, I see that I have a green light!  "Green light, go!  Heck, yeah!" I thought to myself. I'm finally emerging from the bad area of Troost and Gang...  Accelerating carefully, I am near the intersection, when all of a sudden...out of NOWHERE, there's a guy crossing the intersection, crossing Troost.  All I can think of is, "WTH?!  I'm the only person out here on the road. Can't you merely wait until I cross through the intersection? Don't you know that I have the right of way since I am the one with a green light?! ARGH!!!"

Of course, I slow down because I don't want to get a ticket, just in case there are cops hanging out and about, you know. As I stop at the intersection, with a green light pour moi, mind you, I notice that this man is wearing shorts. SHORTS!  IN WINTER!! DURING A SNOWSTORM!  Picking his way carefully across the walk, I also notice his legs are VERY white. I thought to myself, "This poor black man is so cold, and wearing shorts, that his skin has turned white!  Aw, poor guy!"  If I had had a blanket or a jacket, I would have gotten out of the car and given him one. 

Upon further observation, I noticed why his legs were white. They were prosthetics. 

With my mouth agape, all I could think of was how absurd this all was to me. As he finished walking across, I put my car in first gear, skidded, slipped and slid some more. I was prevented from leaving my new perch because, guess what? My green light had turned red.  Boo. I sat there some more thinking, "Lord, why do I encounter the most random stuff?! Answer this for me." 

With the light finally turning green, I slowly made my way to the next intersection where a Metro Bus was stopped and surrounded by, guess what this time?! Cop cars, paramedics and fire engines. I couldn't see this down the road six blocks because in a snow storm, you can't see squat more than 10 feet in front of you. It's impossible.

Yet again, I had a green light, but yet again, I was prevented from going through the intersection by a police officer. He motioned for me to roll my window down. He asked me where I was going. 

"I'm going home from work, Officer."  I said. 

"Where's home?" he asked, eyeing my little blue car with suspicion. 

"Merriam, in Johnson County, where I live with my parents." Saying that you're from Johnson County while you're in KC is your ticket anywhere. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. It's just your car looked suspicious with those spray-painted hubcaps of yours." I rolled my eyes, and said "Thank my dad for that one. He didn't like silver color that they were and thinks they look better spray painted black. But, since you've stopped me, can you tell me what's going on?"

Turns out that an attempted purse snatching had occurred on the bus. The intended victim was a little old lady who had a heart attack that had to be carried out on a stretcher. The assailant was arrested by one of the cops and they were waiting for backup. The cop moved me along and I was on my merry way.

It took me TWO HOURS to drive 8 miles. Luckily, I didn't have any more strange encounters. When I got home, I wasn't able to park my car in the driveway because a foot of snow had fallen. That's how fast it snowed in the two to three hours I had left since work. I had to park my car across the street. As soon as I got inside, my mother impatiently asked me for the meal that I had brought home from work. 

"Are you going to give me any of Nancy's food?" she asked, pursing her lips.

I was in such a bad mood that I said, "No. I'm going to eat this myself." 

I told her about my day. Mom had absolutely no sympathy for me. 

As absurd as that whole story was, I certainly did not bat an eye.  I seem to be destined for interesting things and events. 

Even if it includes weather.