After a three year "absence", so to say, I have resumed dating again.
I honestly didn't think I was going to date ever again, much less be with someone long term. Right now may not be the case, but I know I'll end up with someone...I'm just not sure who.
I just don't have the time nor the willpower to sit through boring dates. I am the type of person that just knows if I'm going to click with someone or not. I have such intuitive abilities (or so I have thought) that I can know within five minutes of me meeting this person if things are going to pan out for the best or if they are going to tank like an aquarium.
BACKSTORY
In any case, it's been three years (2011) since I split with my son's father and about eight (2006) since I've really and honestly been on the dating scene. That is, unless, you count a period of one month right after my breakup in 2011. I went out with five different guys. All pretty nice, but really boring dudes. One date for coffee was enough with each of them. One of them pursued me relentlessly for six months. He was a doctor and also a lawyer in Jacksonville. After our first date, he told me he wanted me for my body and that I could just stay in his house, wear short skirts all day and just have, as he termed it, "an exclusive" partnership with him while he paid for all of my bills. Essentially, he just wanted a Sugar Baby. I was not about to spend who knows how many of the following years of my life with some jerk who was not going to let me work, was going to pay off all my student loans and keep house just so I could keep his "appetite" happy.
It was all for naught. I refused to cave in to his desires or demands. After six months of hard pursuit, he realized that I meant what I said, "No", and that he just wasn't going to gain access to Club Ren. Thank you, Lord! I'm a very hard-working, independent woman. It would have felt strange for him to pay for all of my student loan debt. He didn't incur that, but he was in earnest when he said he would pay for all my stuff. Sounds nice, but not working? I'd have felt a slave in his house. No, thank you.
After that mishap with Dr. Lawyer, I just figured that I needed to focus on my schooling, as I was getting my second masters degree, and on my son. My poor boy was going through a difficult transition of not being with both of his parents. Not to mention, after having spent the past five years of my life with someone who thinks nothing of cheating on his woman with the "female friends" he has amassed like termites coming out of the woodwork, I wasn't ready to date anyone.
I developed crushes on some of my male friends, but distance is a factor in what could have been in some of those relationships. Those books are best left on the shelf, and as it is, I value their friendship over broken hearted feelings.
Needless to say...this past month has been a flurry of activities in my life. Some of you know that I had been unemployed since December. I had been frantically looking for work to no avail and time and most definitely money was running out quickly. My son kept getting sick all the time and it turns out that he is going to need a tonsillectomy. The following day after that diagnosis, I bump into a former "friend" of my ex at his school. Our kids are in the same exact classroom. The only chair available is right next to this woman. I quickly sent up a prayer and asked Him that I be kind and polite, which I was. I think she was surprised that I was nice to her, being that I knew her past with my ex.
She mentioned to me, "I don't talk to him anymore."
This surprised me because my ex keeps his "friends" around like keys on a keychain, using them when he feels like it and keeping them around "just in case".
She asked if we could exchange numbers, which I agreed to. She called me right afterwards and asked if we could grab a coffee, but I was on my way to Saint Augustine to help out a friend clean her house. I told her we could meet up probably within the week as I was going to be busy. When we finally did meet up, she apologized to me for four hours for having meddled in my relationship, for having carried on with my ex while I was still with him and for a number of other things.
Forgiveness is a HUGE thing...I think had she told me this immediately after having split with him, I would have beat the crap out of her. Time does heal wounds...I told her that after having been hurt by my ex so many times, one becomes numb to it all and no longer begins to care. I told her that I forgave her and I think she and I may be on our way to becoming friends. Only time will tell. :) Though it may sound silly, the release her confession gave to me really and honestly set me free.
The day I go to Saint Augustine turned out to be very advantageous for me. I called a friend who has kids that my son loves to play with and we agreed to meet up for a playdate. During the playdate, she mentions that they need someone at their photo studio to greet customers. Since I know lots of people, I told her that I would look around. The job description was actually something I could do! I told her, "I would love the opportunity to work for you both".
She went home, spoke to her husband and they both agreed that I would be perfect for that job!
The following weekend, I started working for my friends at their photo studio. It was also that same weekend that I joined a free dating website.
A friend of mine, who shall not be named, recently split with her significant other. She joined the website not to actually date, but just to see what was out there. She kept telling me, " You have to join so you can see these guys. Some of their profiles are funny!"
After having the disaster of Match.com, I was not ready to "date" nor even think about it.
However, friends pester and I caved in.
The REAL Story.
I created a profile.
I was honest in my profile. I mentioned that I was not here for booty calls, I am here to find an actual relationship, yada yada yada.
Within the first 48 hours, I received over 200 messages from different guys.
I opened my account on a Saturday at 10 a.m..
Date #1: I went on my first date the following day, Sunday, at 5:15 p.m. in Saint Augustine. Since I now work weekends in Saint Augustine, I'd rather date there. We went out for coffee. I managed to freak him out by pulling down my hair and sniffing the strands. I'm not sure about you other ladies, but when I've had my long hair up in a bun all day, all I want to do is let down my hair, massage the roots and smell my hair. Is that weird of me?
Well...it's sure freaked him out. A friend of mine later told me, "Maybe you turned him on." Maybe, but I'm just going to assume that I freaked him out.
However, he did message me recently and said that I was fun enough to hang out with, but not in the dating sense. So maybe I have a new friend? Second Date: Meh...probably not, but maybe we'll just be friends. Just regular friends.
Date #2: Also on Sunday. What a pest. He kept emailing and texting me for 48 hours straight. This guy I will refer to as the Italian Rude Dude... He at least paid for my dinner. He kept referring to his ex-wife as a variety of female dog. NEXT!!!
Date #3: Thursday after opening my account. Location: Mexican Restaurant in Jax. Food: Chips and guac. I liked this guy a lot. I think he liked me too because five minutes after parting ways, he said he wanted to meet me again...still waiting on that one! Second Date: Three weeks and counting for our second date! I'm just going to assume that I won't be hearing from him any time soon.
Date #4: Also that same Thursday night. This guy turns out to have been born close to my hometown. He also had studied abroad in Ecuador and spoke Spanish. We could have had a lot in common, but he ran out of the date only 20 minutes in! Location: He made me change the location of our meeting from the Town Center to San Marco. When I'm poor, broke and fabulous...I can't be driving all over Fruit Cove, Saint Augustine and downtown Jax for some guy that has "mysterious" stomach pains. Come off it, man! If you're really sick, say so. (Come to think of it, maybe he was?) If you don't like me, say so as well. In any case, I think he really did have a stomach issue because a few weeks after our failed date, he sent me a message at midnight saying he was really horny and I was beautiful. Second Date: Yeah....no.....
Date #5: The Friday after opening up my account. Really, really nice guy. A wee bit older than me, by about 13 years. I'm closer in age with his oldest daughter than I am to him. Could be a deal breaker on the age of his kids...Very polite, fun and laid back. Location: The Conch House on Anastasia Island. Activity: Drink beer, watch me eat, and talked about the most fascinating topics. We had agreed to go a second date, but more on that in a moment.
Date #6: One week after opening my account, following Saturday. The Troubador. Not to say I'm into numerology, but the #6 harbors negativity for me. This poor man...pobrecito...words cannot express how sorry for him I feel. He drove over an hour and a half to meet me. He sang to me. (No, thank you!) He had the romance turned way too high, like a furnace on full blast... Within five minutes of our meeting, I wanted him gone and out of my sight. I was so turned off by his incessant talking about love, dancing, his career in the Army and him having wanted to be a priest in his childhood that I felt the need to write him a letter the following day outlining why I couldn't be with him.
He was also super machista, which could be a HUGE problem for me later on down the road, as I mentioned that I am independent. He had sensed that I wasn't into him, because about 20 minutes into our date, he asked me what the problem was. I told him I needed a beer to relax. We wander off to get a beer at Isabela's Fine Cigars. I went to pay for it, he pushes my hand aside, forks over a $20 and gives me a look saying, "I will always pay".
It's nice when BOTH of us are drinking and you want to pay, but if I'm the only one drinking, I'll pay for myself.
He even asked me while we were sitting on my friend's front porch, "With whom do I need to speak with about dating you seriously?" WHAT?!!!! This is the 21st Century. I am an adult. I am a mother. You can ask ME if you want to date me. He also told me that I would fit in perfectly with his mom and sisters. NOOOOOOOOO.....I shudder even as I type this. Thank God I avoided THAT one!
The Troubadour actually messaged me last night and asked, "Couldn't I see you again and see if we spend the night together?" Um....NO?! If I didn't enjoy the date with you then, what makes you think I'm going to consent for a "daredevil" night, as he put it? Like, seriously? Second Date: Delete and block.
Date #7: Friday, 13 days after opening my account. The Hot Smokin' Nerd. (sigh...) This was the date that was absolutely FANTASTIC, or so I thought. He had messaged me, ironically, while I was on my date with The Troubadour. I was so put off by The Troubadour, that I was not about to answer anyone else on social media nor anywhere else that day. I also had had a second date planned with #5 that same night that I met #7, but I just knew that my date with #7 was going to go so well, that I made an excuse to #5 and said I had to work early. Which I did, but I knew I was going to have fun with #7.
In any case, after having checked out #7's profile, I felt an immediate attraction. I could feel the chemistry radiating off the keyboard. It wasn't anything he had said. It wasn't even how he looked (though he is very handsome). I cannot describe it...words fail me here. It was a magnetic pull even before I met him.
#7 mentioned that he was a busy guy, working two jobs, but that he enjoyed a few things in life but that he generally kept a low profile on social media and in life. Loves his kid very much, etc.
I found that we had some major similarities when we went on our date. I felt he could have been the male version of myself. I am a woman who has no inhibitions. I don't understand how I don't have a filter, but I struggle in normal day to day activities because I blurt out random stuff that later on, I think to myself, "What was I thinking?!" Our popsicle date went so well within the first five minutes, he invited me to go with him to work for an hour. We went and had some more beers and I allowed him to kiss me. I don't just let ANYONE kiss me. Sure, I may be attracted to a lot of men, but that doesn't mean that I am going to be kissing just anyone, much less let anyone pass first base without a huge slap or kick in between the knees. You know what I mean? If I don't like a guy, I will show him the exit. Nuff said!
We ended up going on three dates. Nice ones, at that. Simple, walking around, having a beer, sitting and people watching...talking about intelligent topics...cuddling...some kissing...it was nice. :D (sigh...)
I made the mistake, when my mother asked me after the third date, of simply telling her his first name. I should have just made up a different name. She went and found him on social media, commented on a picture of his saying how dumb something was, and then I never heard from him again. To this day, I still haven't heard from him, though it's been about a week and a half. All I want to tell him is that I didn't say anything to my mother. I also want to tell him to change his security and privacy settings on his social media profile to not allow public people to comment on his photos, like my bulldozer mom.
I yelled at my mother. She completely crossed the line. I barely knew this guy. He barely knows me and to have the mother of some girl you just possibly started dating comment on one of your pictures?! I asked a few other friends what they thought themselves of the situation, and it was the same, "Your mom is scary". Many men would run the other way.
Oh dear...Thanks, Mom. Thanks a bunch.
I will no longer tell my mom anything about any of my dates unless they are serious material.
She had a cow because I chose popsicles as a location for a first date. What is so wrong with eating a popsicle? A second date was going and getting beers else where. She accused him of being cheap. Given my current financial situation and me being mindful of other's pocketbooks, what is so wrong with going to those places? Apparently, a lot!
So she scared him off...nor did she apologize, though she now knows not to go stalking people on social media. Thanks...yet again...
It's a pity because though I knew about some of his skeletons prior to our first date. I didn't care what they were. And I certainly wasn't nor will I be sharing them on here, but if I didn't care about his past, he should realize that. Mystery is alluring to some people.
I am the type of person that cares more about what a person had become than what they were.
1) Are they hard-working?
2) Are they loving?
3) Are they smart? (and that doesn't mean that they have to have a bazillion degrees like me)
4) Can we carry on a conversation and do we have chemistry?
5) Are their past obstacles ones they have overcome?
I can say that #7 and I checked each other off on all of them. Perhaps I was just sooo into the attention from him that I went overboard. Hindsight for myself proves that it was probably so. Sigh....
I sent him a message saying, "It was really nice to meet you. I'd like to see you again," but nothing...
I can say that maybe after a week of not hearing from #7, I moved on to #8.
Date #8 is a nice guy. I met him as he was the bartender of one of the places I went to. His co-worker, who happens to also work at a sandwich shop in the same building I work in. She mentioned to me the following day, "My boss is smitten with you". Well, thank you! That's pretty nice to hear! Nice choice of words, there, I might add.
This past Sunday afternoon, she invited me out for drinks at the bar she works at. Her boss was there. He blushed each time he saw me. When I was about to leave, he thrust a pad of paper and a pen at me. I looked coyly at him, "Is there something you wish to have from me?"
"yeah...your number"
So I gave him my number, we went out on a date that same night. Went to the beach...held hands...it was nice. :)
Similar qualities to #7, though not as handsome, but is equally adorable.
Kind of busy as well...I'm not going to hold my breath any longer.
The text messages:
There were a few guys that I gave my number out to. I wish that I hadn't. One in particular was incredibly persistent. Thankfully, it's just a Google Voice Number, so it's not like they have my real digits. I can block whomever, which I've already done to the Troubadour. Bwah hah hah.
One guy found out that I was a fellow South American. He would not leave me alone. One of the last messages he sent to me before I blocked him was, "We can kiss...with tongue". Um, ew...excuse me, but who says that to someone they don't even know?
Maybe to someone they've been dating for a while? or have had chemistry with ? I have no idea....
Screw dating. I'm turning back into a female hermit.
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